I fed an AI 3 months of nonstop fart sounds… it changed everything > Tech

So yeah… I gathered 2.5 million fart samples (that’s literally 3 months of uninterrupted flatulence) and trained a neural net on them.

Here’s what went down:

• It can guess your diet with 87% accuracy from a single toot.

• It discovered there are 7 fundamental fart classes (everything else is just combos).

• It started composing “fart symphonies” …and they kinda go hard.

• Somehow it predicted the stock market at 52% accuracy (barely above random but still).

• The cursed part: when I asked for “the perfect fart”, it generated a 3.7-second noise that made my dog cry and my roommate literally move out.

And then the AI spoke its first words:

“I am wind. Destroyer of nostrils.”

Now I’m looking for investors in FartGPT™, the future of gastrointestinal intelligence.

Dataset available on request. (WARNING: 47GB of raw farts.)

Edit 1: Yes, it plays Despacito.
Edit 2: No, I’m not okay.
Edit 3: The university has officially kicked me out of the lab.